The long and winding road

December 27th 2009

2009-12-27T02:27:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas to all :)

I hope you have all had a wonderful and safe christmas

For me its the first christmas in 10 years the entire family have
been together all at one time...mainly due to my living in sydney
for so long

hat a tiring but wonderful time it has been
I have cooked from morning till bedtime for the past week and done
too many taste test too rofl

My weight is going well....i had a fill approx 4 weeks ago....i felt i was eating
far too much so popped back to the doc and asked for point 2 of a mil
well in his infinite wisdom he decided her would give me point 3 of a mil..groan

so i persevered for 12 days but had to go back to get some removed as simply couldnt
eat anything and too much p/bing had made everything very inflamed etc so in the end
i couldnt drink either

so point 2 removed and felt so much better instantly....my weight on the day of
the removel was 49kgs....so had dropped 3.5kg in the 12 days.....current weight
is now 51kgs

I have no wish to lose any more weight at all in fact felt better in myself at 53kgs
so overall if i can get back to 53kg i will be happy

Im off on tuesday morning for xrays on both knees....have finally reached the point
where my knee pain is simply excrutiating and the doc down here was horrified ate of my right knee and tells me in his opinion it will be a full knee replacement...groan

so wanyways its xrays on tuesday and i was so lucky and got a cancellation and can see the surgeon on thursday morning....so by the end of this week i will possibly
know what is to happen with my knee

fortunately i have kept my private health ins so i should be able to have it done quite quickly

my folks are doing fairly well....dad is full care but doing ok gets a bit dificult at times but he is manageable

i will be able to get some extra help for him while i have surgery and my rach will help my mum as much as she can....she is a good kid and will do her best to help out while im out of action....i must say my rach for all of her problems has settled in really well living down here....and her behaviour also has been good....she loves seeing the cows from the next door property...my dad lets them run their cows on his land to help keep the grass down....so rach spends a lot of time talking to the cows rofl

i have had a lovely christmas...and also have been nibbling on lots of goodies...i spent days making all the old fashioned christmas treats and have nibbled on lots of them rofl

walking has been stopped for the moment on doc's orders as i was doing more damage to it....and to be honest its simply too painful...and im munching endone pills like candy which isnt a good thing

also for this post im using a borrowed laptop as mine is almost useless now and am going to have to try and get myself a new one as soon as i can manage it

i hope everyone else who is on this journey is doing well...and had a good christmas too

remember be kind to yourselves and dont stress if you feel you have been eating too much...the festive season is only a few days and once the goodies have gone then all of us will be back on the straight n narrow so i hope you have all had a few treats

i also hope you all have a wonderful new year

much love and hugs too all

Leeanne

the stat

October 3rd...past the two year mark

2009-10-03T01:58:00.000-07:00

just a very quick update
Two years banded on Sept 25th and all is good

Life is very busy for me now and I think I like it
The weather has sucked big time which has interferred with my walking
so i have bought a massive big treadmill and now walk anytime I feel like it
usually a minimum of 10k a day

I have had a small fill of point two of a mil a few weeks back as i found I was
eating far too much, and I am thinking about another tiny one shortly as I am still
eating a little too much for my liking. Other than that all is great

My weight is staying quite stable so thats good but I do need to keep up
the exercising to make certain I maintain as the biscuit tin is often being
raided by me rofl

I hope everyone is doing well and continuing along with their own journies

hugs to all

Leeanne

banded Sept 2007 130kgs
current weight 53kgs

June 17th 2009

2009-06-17T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hello to all a very quick update

Firstly its freezingggggggg hehehehe
I dont have enough warm clothes so have to get some very soon
I had forgotten just how cold it is down here and my word do I feel
the cold these days :)

Well I have sort of settled in, I have come full circle in my life,
I must admit I never thought I would find myself living down here again.
But there you go we never really know just what is around the corner.

The move itself went smoothly, though i did get quite unwell prior to it
and took a good 3 weeks to shake off a chesty cough and bugger me dead if
I dont have the cough back again....but the difference in climate and
possibly getting a bit run down I imagine is why its returned.

My folks both seem very happy we are living here, naturally we are all
adjusting to the changes as it is a big change for them and also for my
lass and me, but I think it will all work fine.

My weight is fairly stable and i sit between 53 and 54kgs so I am pretty
happy with this and most of my clothes are size 8 with a few 10's depending
on the make and cut iykwim.

My food intake since being home is probably not as good as it should be, far
too many cookies and date loaf with butter rofl but im weighing twice a week
just to keep a close check on myself, im not to worried about the calorie content
as i still only eat tiny portions but I know I need to make a better effort
for more nutritional value but right now im enjoying whatever i want.

I dont advocate doing this by way.....i never forget for one day what it was like
to be the size i used to be....and I will NOT become complacent....it would be
very easy to fall back and this has been too hard and too much work to throw away
so I will be mindful and be keeping a close eye on my scales.

I hope everyone who is on their own journey is doing ok and remember to be proud
of each step you take no matter how small....be kind to yourselves

hugs to all

Leeanne

Last update before I move May 11th 2009

2009-05-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hello to all

just a very brief update
Im nearly all packed for my move back to Tassie
and Im exhausted...rofl

Doing well most days, food is pretty good and very few
problems at all
I will be relieved when this move is all over.

Have just popped a couple of piccies up taken on
Saturday night my dear friend has had her own very succesful weight
loss journey too....unbanded...but has been a great support to me
on this journey. She looks amazing and sending a special hug
out to you my friend.

I hope all who may read this are doing well and having success
of their own.
Hope to catch up with some of the Tassie bandits very soon.

Lots of hugs to all
and I will be back to update in a couple of weeks once im settled.

Leeanne

April 2009

2009-04-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

Just a very short update am still losing weight
and now sitting 56/57 so down a couple of kilo's
am aiming for 55kgs.

Had a small fill when in Tassie of point one of a mil.
all is going well and feeling great.

Only real news is I am returning to Tasmania in the coming
weeks to live. Will update more about that in a few days.

Have a couple of new piccies my reah managed to just take
for me. Pretty chuffed a size 8 skirt and a 10 top. Could do
with a pretty pair of shoes....maybe one day

hugs to all

Leeanne

Saturday Feb 28th

2009-02-28T00:15:00.000-08:00

Just time for a brief update

I am going home to Tassie early Monday morning so have an
appointment with the doc for a weigh in and maybe a smidge of fill

Havent checked in since first week of July so time to do so

Im sitting between 59-61 kg's it fluctuates but im fairly happy with that
I have though just decided I will continue to try to drop a few more kilo's

The reason being, I have only this past week realised my pain levels in my knee
and hip have suddenly dropped, I had been quite disappointed up till
now with all the weight I have lost that my pain levels on the 1-10 scale
were still off the scale...groan

Friday morning I walked to the shopping centre, sat for 30 mins to get nails
done and then my rach joined up with me and we spent at least 3 hrs walking
around and looking in shops etc....had a quick coffee and then i said to her
lets walk home....which we did

Once home i realised though in some pain it was nothing like it usually is about a 5 on the pain scale and also my knee hadnt swollen like it always used to do

So very obviously the last 7 kilo's I have lost since december has been the
turning point for my pain.....in early December my shopping trips were still excruiating in regards to my knee

I now feel if I got down to 55kg then I am possibly giving my knee and hip
the optimum benefit of the weight loss so i will discuss this with the doctor
on Monday but the benefits of less pain are an exciting prospect

Im now in almost all size 8 clothes with a few 10's depending on the brand the
8's in the t shirts are snug across the midrift dues to the skin excess...groan
but i still wear them quite proudly rofl

I even have my first leather jacket in a small so that was a very exciting day
for me...hope I might have some new piccies to pop up when I return from Tassie

I hope everyone who reads my blog is well and continuing on your own journies

hugs to all

Leeanne

New Years Eve.....Wonder what Is To Come

2008-12-30T23:13:00.000-08:00

Decided to do a quick update to end the year, and I hope the New Year
brings wonderful things for me and for you too.

Have been shopping again today....rofl

Decided to try one of the body shapewear all in one garments,
so have added new photos wearing it under my new jeans and a new
size 8 t-shirt.

It has made some difference to my midrift skin bulge, and this is just
one of the cheaper ones from Target so I imagine if fitted for a good
quality one it would be heaps better. The one I bought is a 12 D....but
my boobs are squashed so its not a real D cup but it has given me the
overall idea of how they work and I am seriously thinking of getting
fitted and buying a good quality one.

Managed to get some new jeans in a size 10....so i did a happy dance
around the fitting room, and even bought a pair of summer shoes from
the chemist so thats a first in years to just try on a pair and they
fit....woohooo.

I wish everyone out there a wonderful New Year and I hope you all stay
safe on the roads and have a great time with family and friends.

I also hope all your dreams for the coming year come true.

Hugs to all

Leeanne

Time for a few treats---December 25th

2008-12-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

I wish all who read this a wonderful and happy Christmas
and hope all your dreams come true for the coming New Year

I decided for just a few days I would allow myself a break
from my usual strict routine of food.

today I have really splurged rofl

christmas day
brekkie----chino (cappucino)
snack----chino, slither of christmas cake
lunch----4 vitawheet, butter n vegemite, slither of christmas cake
snack---chino, sm piece of lite marshmallow n fruit slice (lite recipe)
dinner----curried scallops n rice
snack----sm piece cheesecake
snack---sm cherry ripe crackle (lite recipe)

Compared to christmas's past I have been very good
but I have certainly eaten way more than usual and not all
good either...rofl

I have enjoyed every bite too
but I'm not sure its a good thing as I find myself thinking maybe one more
treat.

This shows me that things don't really change and our brains very quickly and
easily revert to old ways of thinking

I will make certain that all treats are gone from the house in a few days
as I know I still can not be trusted

Food addictions and comfort eating doesn't vanish we must find ways to control it ourselves

My way is to simply not have the foods that tempt me in the house
Many of us who are or have been obese are very like any other addicts
the complusion to eat and enjoy far too much food will always be with us
and we must find ways to fight these demons that lurk

But dont read this as me feeling bad I allowed myself some treats
Remember skinny folk have treats too.I allowed myself to enjoy the day
and told myself I could have 4 days of a more relaxed eating plan
But then I will make sure the remainder is either thrown out or my rach will
pop it in her fridge upstairs.....funny I'm never tempted to even open that
fridge....rofl

I just know me...and I have to be honest with myself
I know I will fight this for the rest of my life

I hope all of you allowed yourselves a few treats over the holiday season
but please dont be tempted to fall back into old habits

We all work far too hard to travel this road

hugs to all out there

good luck to all newly banded folk and also to any in waiting

Leeanne

Dec 16th....the not so good, bad and ohhh so ugly...our perceptions of body image

2008-12-15T17:41:00.000-08:00

Time for a quick update on how Im feeling.

My friend said to me at the weekend....time to think about maybe coming to an end
of losing weight.....he was very kind about it rofl....tells me he can see bones in my legs when i walk...so i get up and have a look....ok yes he is right.

But then i see the loose skin seems to have increased an awful lot, so i am describing what this is like to a girl friend and so she can really comprehend,
I get some photos taken in underwear to show her....boy was that an eye opener.

Here I am thinking maybe I am close to goal and can ease off a bit. After studying the photo's for a long time I became so depressed to the point of tears and have convinced myself I am still very overweight.

Now I know in my head I'm just sitting on 64 kgs and BMI 25 so I know on paper I am not overweight, but in reality I am seeing a fat person.

Our perceptions of ourselves can be a hard thing to overcome and to get our head around.

I am going to bear all...well not quite....but I will post a couple of these photo's it may help someone to firstly see yes there is a LOT of loose skin with large weight loss...we have to accept this and find a way to come to terms with it and secondly for us to try to accept that some of our bodies at a size 10/12 will never look like any of our friends who have always been size 10/12's.

My head knows I look so much better than before I started this journey, but I do get tormented at times (like now) over how I look.

So I hope if this can help just one person on their own journey then its worth posting the photo's.

hugs to all and be kind to yourseves

Leeanne

November 30th

2008-11-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

Havent updated for a while

Not many changes for me
I did celebrate finally losing half my body weight
which for me was exciting.

Im still watching everything I eat in order to try to
shift these last few kilo's.

It is very slow going now, but thats ok I had to expect that
after all the weight I have managed to lose.

I will continue for the next few months to try to get down to 60 kilo's which I think for my height will be good, I am just sitting on 25-26 BMI so almost
in the so called "correct" BMI range.

I am in mostly all size 10's and thats exciting, though Im wearing 12's in T-shirts
because i went a bit crazy and bought 8 in this size...rofl so am happy to wear them and will shout myself some new ones for christmas.

The clothes can get to be an expensive side effect here so if you have some buddies
who are also going through this weight loss a clothes exchange would be a good idea.

One of the best clothing benefits in my opinion is being able to easily get a comfy bra....I found that one of the most exasperating things when I was so big.
Because they never did fit and always ride up at the back.....wires dig in you know.....but these days the ones I have I dont even know I have them on....and they never move....yippeeee.

Im feeling extremely healthy, and getting fit continuing with all my exercises
and Im amazed myself at how good I really feel.

Im off home in the morning to tassie to visit my folks so Im looking forward to them seeing how I now look, they havent seen me in 5 mths, so I hope they are pleased.

I dont see my surgeon till mid january, so be another excuse for a trip home. Im going to ask him about the possibility of a referal to a surgeon to discuss the possibility of a reconstructive tummy tuck. I can live with the lose skin on thighs and arms, but this midrift area drives me nuts....rofl.

I figure no harm in asking and discussing the options and look at the area of cost to see if its a dream or a possibility.

I hope anyone reading is doing well and dont be discouraged on your journey if sometimes things aren't always going as you want them to be.

Just hang in there and dont ever give up.....tomorrows a new day and things will get easier.

hugs to all

Leeanne

Lifestyle....continued

2008-10-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

I continually read in posts on lapband sites and in other weight loss
groups.....ohhh...i had a slice of cake.....i ruined it by having some chocolate and so on and so many people are so very hard on themselves for this and then suffer guilt etc

Well lets face it we are all human

Me too

Everybody has a treat even your skinny friends

I think the thing is that firstly they dont beat themselves up over this
and secondly they dont continue eating too many

I love a treat....ohhh yes....love one

I have found for me if I have a ready supply of treats in my pantry/freezer then im less inclined

For example I have weight watcher double choc chip cookies, weight watchers chocolate ecliars, skinny cow ice creams, and caramello Koaloa's always in my pantry/freezer

If I want one then I have one

I think its the fact I know I can that makes it easier not to
I dont get guilty if I do have one
No way....this is all about normalacy
and all normal folk indulge in a treat

When i go out with my lass to the shops and I do this once a week now
I will have a small treat, last week I enjoyed half a sugar n cinnamon donut
and it was delicious

I have good restriction with my band, so I had that in place of lunch so yes I had
an unhealthy lunch...so what....everyone does sometimes

but a year ago i might have chosen an iced coffee and 2 donuts against
a skim milk cappauchino and half a donut

For me by giving myself permission I now find i very rarely crave these things
my choc chip cookies have been there a month, the choccies arent even open so you get the idea

But in saying this...im also not into torture so I dont buy chips or nuts etc
as Im human and they are a big temptation but I also dont even think to buy them these days

My head still often tells me I need to eat to feel better
But I am finding it happens much less these days

They are very right in saying when this hits you....go and do something else for 5 minutes and then see if you still need to eat

I find this is a valuable tool for me okay mightn't work for you but it's worth a try

I am like everyone, I love food...who doesn't
Our bands will help us a lot....but we still need to be strong and most of all
we will always need will power to make this work

But as for the occasional treat....give yourself permission

Lifestyle...dare I say the "E" word...

2008-10-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

just been giving a lot of thought to how my lifestyle
throughout each day has changed

From barely being able to walk...to happily getting out of bed
and doing the usual chores etc.

Boy I used to have my shower...wrap a bath sheet round the body
and then have to sit on my bed to get dry and dressed....sigh

These days its all so much easier....shower, dry in bathroom
and a nudie run to bedroom n quickly throw on clothes.....normal for most folk
not so normal for the obese....these tasks used to trie me for the morning

Yes life has changed

and as for the "E" word....exercise....rofl

well as i have spoken about before I have chronic pain so im limited
but if your in the same boat dont use this as an excuse
I beg you to just try a few things, easy movement for your body
any movement is good

ohhh the bad E word rofl

well i have bumped up my exercise quite a lot

think its going to be hard work to shift the last few kilo's tey are clinging to me for their lives

I cant walk very far due to extremely painful n swollen knee and pain in hip

I have a vitaility 600 vibrating machine
i use it at least 8 to 9 times a day at 10 mins per session

when i stand on it i do heel to toe raises on my feet for the whole 10 mins to strengthen my legs

when i sit on it im doing a full 10 mins with my 1.5 kilo weights doing arms curls, arm raises and i also use the elastic bands for further arm work

then i will lay on the floor with knees bent for a 10 min session and during that time will do 2 sets of 10 head n shoulder lifts kinda like my version of those crunch thingies
and also raise my bum off the floor and hold for the count of 20 a few times too

then i have just added some steps ups just on the the bottom stair of my stairs and i do 2 sets of 20 steps

i repeat all the above 3 times a day

i am now looking around for other things to add to this routine

remember everything we do each time we move we are burning off some calories

when i started i just stood, sat on the machine....now i can do so much more and 3 months ago i couldnt raise even my head off the floor rofl and i can get my bum off the floor and up high...woohooo

so with little things bigger things can happen

do try and get in the routine of just a little bit of movement

but i know how hard it is, when i was 130kgs i could hardly move but as you loose the kilo's moving actually does get easier....true...i cant believe how much i can do now....

we just have to do the best we can depending on our circumstances, age, pain etc

Good luck my friends....do it today...just a little bit more each day
a short walk if you able....a few steps more each day...it all adds up

Im never going to be a skinny minny or a fit athelete
But I can be healthy and fitter than I once was
and so can you

Hugs to all and have a wonderful week

The road gets bumpy at times

2008-10-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder if I thought this was going to be easy.

Well let me say no...far from it...

I have many days when my band simply doesnt play nice!!!!

Last week for the first time in ages I enjoyed a couple of triangles
of egg sandwich....delicious....such a simple food....these are the things
I sometime miss.

I have a fairly tight band....not something I recommend to anyone
But as my surgeon is rather a long walk away from here I choose to
persevere.

This is a time I would say to others....do as I say...not as I do!!!

I have many days where meals are hit n miss for me but often its my fault
I have to big a bite...you would think after 1 year I would have learnt,
doesnt look like it...rofl

But other times my band simply reacts to the change in the weather or the change
in my stress levels.

Today the temperature has plummetted here after a few very hot days, and I assume my band is reacting accordingly.....then ofcourse once it does...I get agitated as you do....this in turn makes it react even more.

So first rule my fellow bandits.....dont have too tight a band
Second rule....follow the rules....banding rules
Third rule....stay stress fee....yeah sure thing!!!

Now please dont be frightened off by this entry
I love my band....my band has given me a life again
Just some days we dont play well together
So I chuck a tantie....my band rebels.....and we both end up in the norti corner

But....I soon forgive and forget
Only got to look down at my feet and I forget
Why my feet???

Well cause I can see them again....I couldnt this time last year

so despite my whinge and whining nothing is ever as bad as it seems

Tonight I shall find something my band likes....maybe an exotic soup
Who knows.....

But I do know I feel good and when I wake up tomorrow morning I will get out of bed with a smile and with a lot more energy than I have ever had.

So dont be nervous or frightened....forge ahead and be healthy

But when you read all of our blogs our thoughts n dreams
learn from our mistakes....be excited by our achievments
and know you can do this too

September 25th

2008-09-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my band anniversary

Hard for me to realise it has indeed been a full year on this journey.

I still find the road very exciting and in a way there is never a dull moment.
This morning I was brave enough to weigh myself on the scales at the chemist.
Mainly because i didnt really believe my own scales.

I am now 70kgs
I have lost 60kgs to the very gram in exactly 12 months.

I look in the mirror and often still see an obese person staring back at me,
I do wonder if that image will ever go away.

Our brains take time to register the new image and more to the point to actually believe that person is me.

I still have daily fights with my head....I suppose I always will.
I realise this battle is going to be a life long one.
Can I do that...can I keep winning this fight with food....it will indeed be interesting to see.

Some days I find myself thinking....how can a person live like this for the rest of their lives....that may sound an odd thought...but in reality it isnt....because my love affair with food is still in my head....the only thing thats changed is the ability to only now be able to consume tiny amounts.

I in no way regret this journey but it is and i think always will be a battle of wills....my head against my band....hmmm.....I pray my band wins.

I have had a lot of will power these past 365 days....I keep a constant image of my folks in my head....they enabled me to take this journey and I am constantly reminded of this.....the need to please them is a very powerful need for me.

But its not just them....my rach needs me around for a long time yet....as does my son n babies....

But also....this is for me too....the over whelming need to be accepted....this morning I ventured out in a neat pair of track pants and a tshirt....and I look normal....i felt normal...i didnt feel ashamed of my appearance....i only realised that today....Im okay with how I look...its a good feeling I must admit.

So this is for me too....I still have a way to go yet....but for the very first time I know I can do this I know this time I will finish what I have started.

September 19th

2008-09-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

well nearly one year has passed

today I turn another year older
I sit here and think back to what I looked like this time last year
and how much I have changed

It has taken me my entire life to make this change
and today at the age of 54yrs I feel i can actually say
I finally dont stand out

I was grocery shopping last night and caught my reflection
in the freezers....rofl....and had to look twice
I do look different
I do look acceptable

All my life I just wanted to fit in....be accepted
and its taken a lifetime

Society is very cruel to those of us who are obese
In this day and age you would think there would be more acceptance
But really things dont change

But I admit it feels good to be able to fit
But its very sad that I felt the need
Its so sad we all feel that need

Why cant we be accepted as we are
I personally feel we would have far less emotional eating issues
if we felt we fitted were accepted

Though my words may seem Im sad
Im doing okay
But society is sad

For others contemplating this journey
Dont be frightened
Do it
But do it for yourseves
not to be accepted

There are still many who will love and accept the person you are as you are
So do it for yourself to be healthy and to enable you the very best chance
to remain around those who love you and who you love for as many years as possible

Thing change for the better

2008-09-13T03:03:00.001-07:00

have been thinking a lot how my thinking has changed

my days pre-banding were I suppose you could say just existing

i drank at least 2 litres of diet coke daily
i was very very lethargic and yawned all day long

I have always been a person to be up early I guess its my upbringing the only days as a kid we got to have a lay in was on the weekend and as i was a nurse for 25yrs i was always up early anyway

Old habits are hard to break
but even though I would be up early each day every day was such an effort
I would start the day with a big brekkie of at least 3 slices of toast piled with butter and jam and coffee with 3 sugars

soon I would be looking for morning tea of more coffee full of sugar and half a packet of bikkies

lunch would be something full of butter usually a sandwich with plenty of meats and cream cheese etc

followed closely by afternoon tea and yes more biscuits or often cake

dinner was a big serve of something rich and home cooked with 2 slices of buttered bread or garlic bread

in between i consumed all the coke

i would proudly say i ate good home made food and not junk food
but ofcourse I had enough for 2 people

Is it any wonder I was so lethargic and tired

Now I sit here and its 8pm and i still havent yawned yet today
The constant headaches....where did they go to
I had one almost every single day....not anymore

I dont get out of breathe just going up my own stairs to the bathroom
I no longer snore....rofl

My food intake now is minimal

today

brekkie----cup of coffee with equal
snack----cappuchino
lunch----200gms baked beans
snack---cappuchino
dinner----2/3 of a weight watchers tuna pasta n vegie dinner
snack----4 vitawheet bikkies, butter n vegemite and a tub of forme yoghurt

Now none of it is easy

Im willing to admit Im still a comfort eater
and I still dont have a lot of will power
I enjoy a weight watchers choccie chip cookie quite a few times a week
I love the WW choc eclairs

But I simply cant fit in the food I used to eat
and I cant eat bread anymore so my Love affair with bread and butter had to stop
I still have my butter but I have the sense to weigh out 20gms per day

Im sure I have as many days as anyone when i eat what I shouldn't
I am human
but I forgive myself these days

I am constantly remembering this journey from day one
it was hard for me post op took me a few weeks to bounce back
and then theres the financial cost

God knows how much money I have wasted in past years on every diet known to man
weight watchers, Jenny Craig, Lite n Easy, diet pills etc etc

But the cost of my little band buddy is a big finacial investment
and too much money to blow it all just for a quick fix of food

My folks have invested a lot of their money in this too for me
So I have added pressure to do this

Why am I sitting here writing all this waffle tonight
when I only started this blog today and therefore really have written enough
Im writing tonight because I had the urge to go to the fridge
and I did....but then I decided to come and add a bit more babble here
in hope I will lose the urge and yes I have

For anyone considering lapband surgery....do it
but remember you will still be in charge of your journey
and only you can close that fridge or pantry door

I started this entry asking how my thinking had changed
as you can see in many ways it hasnt!!!!!

Almost one year on....

2008-09-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Its now September 2008

Wow....I can't believe Im almost a year banded

Im off all blood pressure medication and b/p is normal
wow I have been on them for 15 years

My blood sugar levels are normal
My cholesterol is normal

Has it been an easy year?

No it hasn't.

I have bad days here and there, if I forget to chew properly.
If i'm stressed or upset my band doesn't play nice at all.

I still fight my head on a daily basis
I will always enjoy food
That was my problem.

I wasn't a junk eater
I was a comfort eater.
Plus I used to eat a very big serve of all meat and vegies
Im a good cook and used to cook rich food and loved lashings of bread and butter.....or i should say butter and bread.

It's still a daily struggle to not want food
But its not as much of a struggle to not eat it

My portions are tiny and i have at least 5 small snacks/meals a day

I still count the calories because thats my way
but I now only have 900-1,000 calories daily

I dont get hungry
but I also dont feel full either
but I am satisfied

I often wonder why I dont get the full feeling.

This week saw another milestone for me
I am in a size 12 Jeans, and a size 14 top.
all very exciting for me.

I still have a way to go.

My current weight is 72kgs and I can see its going to be slower for me to shift the next 10 kilo's but I just take it one day at a time.

So has it been an easy road....No.....but although its a very long and winding road....the trip is worth every bend and turn I have made.

First Pair of Jeans

2008-09-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

The end of June see me full of excitement

I purchase my very first ever pair of size 16 jeans
even as a teen I was a size 20

So this is a big thing for me

It also see's me getting a pair of boots
no velcro anywhere in sight hehehe
lovely leather ankle boots.....woohoooo

July 1st return to Hobart
Wow now I can put the try table in the plane down and there is room
between it and me yipppeee

I have a fill of a quarter of a mil. I have lost another 12 kgs.

My folks are blown away as are the friends I have in Tassie

For the first time I am beginning to believe I look different.

My head still see's a very obese person in the mirror

This fill went well, and my meal size suddenly decreases a lot

I return home very cheerful

What a fill this one was

2008-09-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

April 7th see's me return to Hobart.

This flight I notice some significent changes.
I fit easily into the seat, I don't need a belt extension, plus I can tighten the belt whooopppeeee

This fill was 1.5 mils....I thought great.I had lost another 12 kilos.

Wooooo....not so great I spend 3 very bad days unable to even swallow my own saliva
finally im able to get back in to see the surgeon, and had 1 mil removed.....

Instant relief....in 3 days I had lost 3.5 kilos and i imagine I had put it all back on within a few hours as I am pretty sure I managed to drink the entire bass strait in that short time.

So a word of caution to all who crave restriction....be careful what you wish for...as I wouldnt wish those 3 days on anyone.

My folks are thrilled with the changes in me the delight in my dear dad's eyes when he can see me get up out of a chair with out needing help is wonderful.

Fast Forward

2008-09-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

No-one ever really seems to be fully prepared for this journey.

I know I had researched, but I still wasnt fully informed of the real meaning of being a bandit.

Like so many I also thought once banded I wouldnt be hungry

yeah...right....but I soon learnt it was going to be my hard work that would make this work.

So I made the decision early on to do my best to work with my band

From the day I arrived home i chose to go on 1500 calories daily

My surgeon insisted on 4 weeks of soups/fluids which was a trial but not torture followed by 4 weeks of mushies.
I got through this cause i have a good creative ability rofl.

December 5th saw me return to Hobart for my first Fill of 3mls and a loss of 17kgs since banding.

On return to home I dropped my calorie intake to 1200 per day.

January 23rd retrun to Hobart for 2nd fill of 1 ml and further loss of another 10 kgs.

Im feeling pretty good by now, clothes size is going down and my family really noticed the difference in me.

I can now walk much better.

I can do the house work normally and stand at the sink to prepare meals....wooohooo

Life isnt always easy.....have had a few p/b's by now so am learning to eat very slowly and chew very well.

Band Day

2008-09-12T21:53:00.001-07:00

Monday sept 24th arrived before I knew it.
the 12 months waiting period seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was on my way back to Hobart squeezing into a very small plane seat and going through the humiliation once again of asking for an extension to the plane seat belt.

I stay the night at my sons home and ofcourse had the last meal party with them.

I was awake at 5am on Tuesday and my taxi arrived at 7am and dropped me at the hospital at 7.15am

What a long day it was, my surgery didnt happen till after 4pm so it seemed I waited forever that day.

eventually to was my turn and they wheel me away, before I know it im on the otherside and its all over.

I was in pain and passed out on the way to the tiolet but in all honesty I couldnt have cared less, I was banded....I wanted to shout with joy....except it was a bit too painful to do it.

Th e following day had the obligitory barium mcuk and im allowed to leave.
My brother collects me and takes me on the hour drive down to my folks.
They greet me at the door and my dear mum bundles me off to bed....I think i looked dreadful so Im guessing I looked as bad as I felt.

But all of this is a haze now so I sped the next 3 weeks being looked after like a kid again by my mum.....we never lose the need for our mums no matter our age.

I returned to Sydney after a quick check over by my surgeon and I must say despite my folks good care it was good to be home.

Changes and Decisions

2008-09-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

Where is the beginning.

Is it when I first made the banding decision or is it my first diet.

I guess the beginning of this journey was probably two and a half years ago.
I was visiting my dear folks in Tasmania.

It was my dad who bought up the subject of a lapband.
Of course I had many thoughts of it a long time earlier but decided it was simply out of my reach.

Not so it seems.

I have a history of chronic pain. By the time my dad broached the subject i was probably about
115kg and finding life very difficult due to pain. My folks had been talking to their GP who told them all about banding, as he knew me, and knew of my chronic pain etc.

I was quite shocked for my dad to be talking about it, but also i felt this tiny bit of excitement.
Both my folks talked for hours and finally told me they wanted to help.

I can not express into words the feeling. My folks have always been so kind and loving and even
now I'm in my 50's they are still parenting me.

To cut a long story short it was decided to go the route of joining a health fund and waiting out the time before the surgery.

So the decision was made, the fund was joined and the referral written by their GP.
I had my initial appointment many months before my health fund kicked in, so by the time the 12mths was up, my date had been booked for months....talk about anxious.

In this time my weight soared to 130kgs and my mobility decreased, to the point of having to use my computer chair to get around in my home.

I had to sit to prepare meals, couldnt wear shoes had a very humiliating time buying men's velcro sandles so i had footwear.

I was taking 2 lots of meds for high blood pressure, medications for high cholesterol, had been informed i was borderline diabetic and was housebound.

Well 5 days after my health fund anniversary I had my lapband surgery and my little band buddy became my shadow on Tuesday Sept 25th, 2007.

It been a long journey

2008-09-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

Im almost to my first year of this journey and what a ride it has been.

Almost 2 yrs since i made the decision to be banded
and a lifetime of battling obesity.

I have no memories of being small or what society calls a normal size.

What is normal I often wonder?

My first memory of the dieting road was at the age of 6

Very traumatic for a little girl to be suddenly told she is fat.

Being told what she can and cant eat.

And this is how I remember growing up, having a wonderful family
who tried their best to help me with my weight issues.

Going between loving school and hating it due to the name calling.
The constant feelings of being the odd one out.
Avoiding physical education as it used to be called so as to hopefully avoid
further humiliation at being unable to do the sports and exercises and also
not hear again the names.

But life wasn't all bad, not by any means, but those times had a particular sting in them
and have never been forgotten.

Then came the teen years, and the usual problems, trials and also joys that come
with those years in our lives.

Before i knew it I was 17yrs old, married with a child....phew
I returned to work almost straight after my first child and became a nurse

Although I loved my work, even then I didn't escape the name calling behind my
back....and the tough exterior I put on for a public face....laughing happily at jokes
at my expense.

Why is it I wonder that I recall all of those things as I write this
I know this happens to many of us, society can be cruel and unaccepting at times.

Well I'm now 54yrs in a few days time.
I have 2 beautiful children and 2 gorgeous grandsons.

And now I'm nearly 12 months banded and its most definitely the best journey I
have ever taken.